PRICK V PERFECT

(This is actually something I wrote last summer......)

So, why do men create situations for themselves, only to then panic and desperately find ways to escape their own doing? I was once asked by a guy, completely baffled, ‘what do you expect from me?’, to which I responded, ‘Only what you promise me’.
Why is that so difficult for them to comprehend?
Don’t promise it. I won’t expect it.
Don’t offer it. I won’t wait for it.
Don’t tell me it. I won’t believe it.

Actions speak so much louder than words, yet they insist on shouting louder and louder until we take notice, only to un-do all their good work and effort by proving something entirely different to what their saying, usually in one very small action.

It’s very simple. If you want to be with someone, you will be. If you want to make time for someone, you will do. If you want to be there for someone, you can be. There are no ifs or buts or excuses, and if you let a person down, it’s very easy to make it up to them.

So why do I and the majority (if not all of) my female friends find ourselves in the same situations all the time. Men in our lives have said one thing and done another, or everything has been going perfectly, they’ve said it’s what they wanted and then all of a sudden backed off, or it’s been going perfectly- so they act up, almost a self destruct method – if they fuck it up first, then we can’t.

The other thing I don’t get is why they make it harder for themselves? So, their actions have shown they’re not that bothered…. so you confront them. Not even angrily- maybe totally calmly, with a mature head on, and you let them know they’ve made it quite clear- you get it, they’re not interested, not bothered, (whatever) but then rather than just take the easy way out, grab your offer of an easy exit and run – they decide to argue….

‘No you are special’, ‘I’ve just been busy’, ‘I don’t want to lose you’, whatever bullshit reason they choose to throw at you.

Thing is, that only gives us false hope and puts them in an even harder situation, now with even more to prove; and maybe we’re morons but who can blame us if we’re unable to (or just don’t want to) believe they could go from perfect to prick in the space of a day/week/month/maybe year (if you’re lucky)? But, there we go setting ourselves up for the next fall, the next hit, the next rejection.

But if they really didn’t care – they’d walk away wouldn’t they? Maybe not. But is that because they truly care about you? Or because they just don’t want to burn their bridges?

Since when did a little bit of upfront honesty become so difficult – surely it’d be so much easier for all involved? Too many girls I know have wound up in the same situation – we can’t ALL be misreading the signals or making the same mistakes, can we?

I decide I overanalyse too much, so I try to walk away from these situations, but when I do? I’m bombarded. ‘Why are you being like this?’, ‘What’s the problem?’ – is that because there’s a deeper rooted meaning behind their dismissive behaviour, could it be their scared to open up or to embark on a new relationship, is it THAT good that it freaks them out – or is it the age old – want what you can’t have? Am I a better catch when they think they might lose me? Surely not, if I was worth pushing away in the first place?

So – I wait it out. Leave the ball in his court. But maybe I’ll never know? Maybe it’s the bunny boiler girl that wins, the girl that pushes them into being with her, but who wants a boyfriend thanks to ‘pity’. Or maybe I should be the ‘fuck you’ girl that stands her ground until the bitter end, even if she ends up with nothing. Maybe leaving the ball in his court will amount to what I want – eventually. Or maybe it makes it easier for him to run away. But either way, I gave it my all – I gave it every chance, and any guilt can hang on his shoulders, and I may not have screamed all the abuse tangled up in my heart, but at least I walk away with some dignity and I may not have told him every last loving emotion, but at least I have something more to give – should he decide to give us a chance.

And so, I’ll wait. I’ll wait in case the prick turns back into perfect. He might have been willing to lose me, but I’m not willing to lose what I think he can be.

(he stayed a prick............ just for the record)