Forget Tonight.

I wish I didn't feel so deeply. I guess I wish I just didn't care as much.

I wish I didn't fall as fast, or love as hard, or believe so readily.

I wish things didn't hurt so much.

I wish I could move on easier.... forget quicker..... forgive less, maybe.

I wish I could like myself more, physically, and believe in myself a little more, because then maybe I wouldn't secretly blame so much on that. I wouldn't question myself and doubt myself and hate myself so much.

I wish I didn't seem like such an open book, because I am in so many ways but generally when it comes to things I REALLY need to talk to someone about, I don't feel comfortable to. I shy away from the biggest issues because I can't help but cry and then I feel stupid.

I wish I had the words right now, to explain everything and I wish I had some ears to tell it to. I know that some very special people care but you know when sometimes you just don't feel that you'd say it adequately. You'd get yourself mumbled, and they might not understand it fully even if you didn't, because sometimes things are so caught up and jumbled in your own head that how could anyone else understand?

I wish I knew why I was really writing this and I wish I felt it was helping a little more, instead I kind of wish i'd never started and i'm already thinking i'll probably erase this. Though maybe I shouldn't cos I felt compelled to write it, even though at the moment, it's not really much at all and probably won't mean anything to anyone, even me.

I wish I knew what would solve this, but truth is I don't know where to start.

I wish someone just 'got me' right now without me really having to explain but that's no reflection on anyone else, because how COULD they. I guess I wish somebody loved me, hard... right now. Because a partner has the best shot of 'getting' it. But i've never felt so unloved by anybody in my whole life, there's not a soul who seems interested in me in the moment, and of course because I have all these reservations about myself, I'm convinced it's because i'm hideous; yet at the same time I know i'd love someone with all I had and be good to them and make them smile... i'm confident in that, but I can't imagine anyone truly falling for me, even though i've seen it happen before, i've been in love before?.... so that makes me sad. That I can't picture somebody falling in love with me, I guess as much as I tell myself i'm a good catch, I don't REALLY understand WHY they would..... secretly. That makes me so sad, because no-one should feel that way... and so I hate myself for feeling like that.

Do you ever go, 'shit, i'm a mess!'?

I know i'll wake up tomorrow and be better, I might even feel fine, or great, cos that's what I do - I cry it out and I start fresh, or else I bore myself.....

I'm getting there, I'm learning, I'm definitely on a journey of some description and as a person, and a friend, I like me, I care and I'm loyal and I'll have your back and I'll love you hard... it's just everything else I have to fix up on.......................... how I look and blaming myself for every boy who lets me down and doubting myself in my work and stuff, and taking everything so to heart, every friend who lets me down feels like a hole in the heart, and it keeps happening lately. I guess it's the age we're at, or maybe it's just that people are really selfish nowadays... I dunno.......

I'll start again tomorrow... and try and forget tonight ever happened at all.

I'm Obliged.

Obligation.

ob·li·ga·tion  (bl-gshn)

n.

1. The act of binding oneself by a social, legal, or moral tie.

2.

a. A social, legal, or moral requirement, such as a duty, contract, or promise that compels one to follow or avoid a particular course of action.

b. A course of action imposed by society, law, or conscience by which one is bound or restricted.

3. The constraining power of a promise, contract, law, or sense of duty.

4. Law

a. A legal agreement stipulating a specified payment or action, especially if the agreement also specifies a penalty for failure to comply.

b. The document containing the terms of such an agreement.

5.

a. Something owed as payment or in return for a special service or favor.

b. The service or favor for which one is indebted to another.

6. The state, fact, or feeling of being indebted to another for a special service or favor received.

Obligation. I think when most people think of that word, they think of a headache, of being bound to something, of being required to do something, of being restricted. I? I look at one word in particular out of every single word used in that definition. I look at moral. For me? If I feel obliged to do something, it's usually moral.
I feel obligated to do certain things, by choice. I think obligation can be as much of a choice as it can an order, or a document or a service. But nowadays, I feel like obligation doesn't mean shit.

People are obligated to be faithful... to be good friends... to treat others as they'd like to be treated... to be honest... to keep promises.... people should feel obligated to do plenty of things, but to me, it doesn't seem like people feel obligated to do much at all.


o·blige  (-blj)

v. o·bliged, o·blig·ing, o·blig·es

v.tr.

1. To constrain by physical, legal, social, or moral means.

2. To make indebted or grateful: I am obliged to you for your gracious hospitality.

3. To do a service or favor for: They obliged us by arriving early.

v.intr.

To do a service or favor: The soloist obliged with yet another encore.

This word 'favour' is interesting, I think that's how people see it nowadays, like they're doing their friend a favour by being there for their birthday, like 'oh, that's one good deed done'. I'm starting to think that my expectations of people are way too high, and that really most people don't feel obligated to you in any way, no matter how good a friend, partner, lover you've been. A person will do what a person will do, and there's not much you can do to stop them, you could be perfection personified but if they're going to shit on you, that really won't make a bit of difference. They won't even feel that bad about it, you will.

This thought makes me sad, but all in all I think I just have to get over it, it's how it is, and I can still try and be the best person that I can be, but it doesn't mean that every person in my life is going to return that favour, or even appreciate it. I don't intend to change, I just intend to make note and remember, from now on, the people who do seem to see obligation as a moral code in friendship/romance etc - and I'll give them that little bit extra of me, not even because I'd feel obliged, but because I'd want to.

the traveller.

tell me about your saddest day,
let me wipe your tears away..
let me catch each drop with my lips,
let me stroke your fingertips.
tell me your biggest secret, or your biggest regret,
and if you ask me to, afterwards, i'll forget.
tell me a lie and see if i can guess,
tell me your worst, and nothing less.
let me see you blush, let me hear you breathless,
let me see your scars, let me feel you restless.
let me kiss the place on your body that you believe to be ugly,
feel beautiful with me, try and see what i see.
don't be afraid about where you're going,
and don't think about where you've been.
don't ever hold back or be afraid of what your showing;
i want to know all of the things that you've seen.
let me be surprised, i won't ever judge you,
never hold back from chasing dreams, because i'll never grudge you.
tell me how excited you are to travel the world, and don't mind that i won't be there....
you can tell me what you saw when you come home, even the boring bits, cos i'll still care.
please ignore tomorrow because there's so much we can do now,
and if it gets tough, there's still a some way or a some how.
i'd rather miss you again, than miss you forever,
because even if i have to wait, i know that we have time together...
i don't want to give up before we've begun,
but i can't keep up every time that you run.
i can't read your mind, as hard as i try....
but we've got three whole months before 'that' goodbye.
listen to me, foolish, coming undone,
i'm pouring my heart out, and i'm making a mess.
but i don't want you to pick up the pieces unless,
you promise to stay and let me sew up each wound,
lie with me sunday mornings, duvet cocooned.
let's take some pictures and carve out a memory,
you can deny me all you like but you can't deny this chemistry.
i can feel you fall, because you're falling into me,
i remember a single butterfly, when you first called me baby.
you remember things i've said and you like the way my laugh is never the same,
and there's no sweeter picture than the way your lips curve around my name.
you always knock the cherry, gently against my lips,
and take it away again - just before it really hits.
you know you got me hook-line, but you still refuse to admit it,
you'd rather pretend i'd never cared, so that you could run - and quit this.
but did you never think that maybe it's too late....
did you never wonder why you get so irate?
it's just the way it is when you care,
you'll hate me sometimes, call me unfair.
don't be afraid to let go - and don't be afraid that i already know.
you can switch it up and ignore me all you like,
but i'm under your skin, because you let me bite.
let me fall in love with you, and love me as hard as you know you could,
ask me to give you myself til you leave me, because i swear to you with everything, i would.

in three months, you'll be gone for a year.
but why make it fifteen?........... when for now, you're still very much here?

Long Distance.

Love is a game that two can play; and both win.

Does 'long distance' work? - and when I say 'long distance'; do you think plane rides and thousands of pounds, or three hours and £25? The thing is, for me, i'm impulsive and spontaneous as a person so anything that I can't have NOW, as in, within half an hour, when I decide - counts as 'long distance' when it comes to relationships! Call me a Princess, that's fine. But for me, the beauty of a boyfriend/girlfriend/partner is that when you're low or when you need a cuddle- they're there, it's automatic. If my ex had had a bad day - i'd be there for him - we'd put on a film and cuddle, pig out - whatever would have made the bad feelings go. What if he'd been three hours away, and working until 9pm? We don't hook up til midnight? - and what if we both had work in the morning? It's just not practical? But then does practical matter if it's insatiable when you're together. Is it worth sacrificing easy and on tap, just to hold on to something that makes you feel so alive part time? 

Faith makes all things possible, love makes them easy.

The thing is, I think for long distance to work, in any capacity- you have to throw caution to the wind, and if we're honest, get a little bit crazy. You need to jump on a train at 11pm at night if it means seeing them for half a day, you need to let them know every special thought you think about them, you need to fill that free day full of them, you need to meet in the middle, borderline stuff. There's no time to hold back or to be careful, it's a risk so you have to take the plunge whole heartedly and give it your best shot because there's enough standing in your way already, without caution and 'playing it cool' - the latter I was never a fan of anyway. Love isn't about being 'cool' - the letting go and falling into it is the cool part. But; what if only one of you is prepared to do all that? What if one is holding back through fear of it going wrong, and one is prepared to give it their best shot. What then? You just give up? Even if those times you are together, it's stronger, better and fiercer than anything you've ever experienced? It's the easiest thing to shy away from, to bow out of, it's just not practical, so why even try? But then there's that fear, of never feeling that way again? Because it's so rare isn't it? To find someone that makes you weak at the knees, makes your stomach swirl, gives your whole body butterflies, that person that envelopes you in their kiss, as if your bodies completely entwine the minute your lips meet, that person that leaves you speechless, breathless, that person who with one tiny look, makes your heart skip a beat. Fairytale stuff. We all want that, right? So it's worth holding on to at all costs. But then, is it better to just never know the outcome, rather than to try and fail. Is it better to just take those stolen moments and run? Or is it better to fall deeper and give it your best shot and land on your arse, missing it forever. Is 'what could have been' sweeter? 

Beginnings are usually scary, and endings are usually sad but it's everything in between that makes it worth while. 

I feel like it's worth it. Worth giving it a shot. Even if it is scary, even if I do land on my arse. Because, what if day to day you realise it was all an illusion, space making it sweeter. What if day to day the standard cracks start to show - what if the distance is too much. If three hours is too much then maybe it was never right in the first place. You can't fake how you feel - you can't fake a kiss that melts two bodies into one, and you can't hide that from each other, the passion, the intensity. Those kind of feelings, you both know where you stand, even if one wanted to lie, they couldn't. So surely that's enough to go on, and if that continues and progresses, then you make it work, you make it easier. Three hours isn't that far - eventually one of you could make that move and it wouldn't even be much upheaval - i've known couples who made it work from Australia to the UK, people who have picked themselves up and moved to the other side of the world, leaving their lives behind, all for that one person. I don't see myself ever doing that, I love my life here far too much, and I think moving your whole LIFE to another COUNTRY for someone is bound to put a strain on you both, but if people can make it work with all those miles between them, who are we to get our knickers in a twist about a few hours, particularly when he's unhappy there anyway?

You want me to act like we've never kissed, you want to forget; and i've tried, and i've tried, but I haven't yet. You walk by, and I fall to pieces....

How do you just forget you've felt it and carry on with your life when you know it's there, not that far away? I wish I could just switch off my feelings or meet someone next door to me who makes me feel the same way, because i'm so afraid he'll run, because he has before, and i've just opened myself up, risking the same hurt, the same heartache... all over again... only worse, because we met on holiday originally, and now we've proved that the same feelings apply here. Just as strong, if not stronger. I've got something in my reach which feels so perfect but I might just have to wonder about it for the rest of my life because I can't make it work on my own. But I feel some things are for a reason, and I think there was a reason for him. I want more than anything to switch off and put it to rest because my heart is so on the line, but I know i'm in for it this time around; and that it's already too late - so i'll just have to suck it up. I know i'll cry some tears but I just hope he'll hold my hand through it all, rather than turn his back on us. 

A little bit of Spice, Taking Notes, an Interval and a Thackray.

I feel like everything is slowly coming together. My life has taken a totally different path from what I'd first expected. Now I find myself working as much at musical theatre as I do pop and as much at producing as I do singing. At nineteen I was in Tom Lewis, Universal's office talking about my coffee-table-jazz album and kind of dying on the inside but SURE that I wanted to be a 'popstar' - don't get me wrong, I was never one of these brats who just wanted to be famous. I've always, always wanted this because it's my passion and because my life kind of doesn't make sense to me without performing - it's just who you are I guess, your soul. But anyway, a pop route was the one I was sure I wanted to take.

Then everything fell apart, I walked away from the Universal malarky and my management, I got locked into a contract for two years - I couldn't sign
anything else - I lost my way. I sung for the first time in a while at a gig for Emily Thackaray (Emily is this amazing lady who when I first met her was very sick with cystic fibrosis and in need of a lung transplant, thank EVERYTHING on earth she was given one and is now living a beautiful, healthy life and campaigns tirelessly to raise awareness - visit her site - www.lltgl.org.uk); anyway - I agreed to sing at a charity gig arranged by Emily. I was out of practise but I didn't think anything of it, I was just excited to sing again - anyway, when I was called to sing at the rehearsal I literally wanted the ground to swallow me up - I felt hot and dizzy and horrible, then I felt like I sounded breathless as I sung - I didn't have the control I wanted over the big notes and I felt like everyone was looking at me thinking what a horrible singer I was. My eyes welled up - it was mortifying. Emily was great, she spotted it and took me outside and gave me such a boost. She really is such a beautiful and inspirational person - to have dealt with all that she has and to have come out the other end fighting. There need to be more like her.  I guess it was such a release to just tell someone how I felt. I realised how the knocks I'd taken had really gotten to me - I felt like I wasn't good enough anymore and I guess I'd lived in a fairytale world before where I thought if you were a good person and talented- then it would come. I was so wrong. Realising it was the hardest thing. 

The gig ended up going really well, and in the end I sung a song that I'd sung years before, and I think I did a better job at it. Rather than being shitter than ever, like I'd thought - I realised maybe I'd improved a little with age. It was the first time my then boyfriend had really seen me perform - and it kind of inspired me to go at it a little harder and so I did. I ended up putting on my own gig with two other singer/performer friends of mine at Epsom Playhouse, which is a theatre that'll always be dear to me as it's where I started out - in YTW - the group that I give the most thanks of all to - because Trevor and Teresa pretty much forced me to sing because they noticed something in me, and I can honestly say if it wasn't for that I don't know if I'd have ever had the confidence to sing in public - which is kind of a nuts thought. So anyway, this gig at Epsom Playhouse with two friends, Chloe Sinclair and Sarah Henley (now resident writer at the Giant Olive Theatre; and an amazing writer at that) 'Time of the Month' - was basically, the birth of Interval Productions - the Theatre Company I now run, which seems to be going from strength to strength.


So anyway, we're now five shows later and our next gig is with Emmy Award Winning Composer Lance Horne and features some West End faves along with some up and coming talent (which is Interval's point of difference - I want to give unheard voices a chance, for people who like me, will take knocks and will suffer rejection - I don't want people to lose their voice.. I want them to keep remembering that they're appreciated and I want them to keep remembering why they do this) - next after that is a gig at Battersea Barge on June 20th and then another in September - we keep plodding on, offering opportunities for lots of different singers to get up and show keen audiences what they're made of.

Me, Paul Spicer, Lance Horne - Notes Unleashed After Show Party

At the same time as I was getting on this Interval kick and actually producing my second show, 'Six in the City', I met (in the flesh) a wonderful man called Paul Spicer. Paul Spicer is one of the West Ends Leading Men and is also a Producer- the first Man to be on the West End (Avenue Q- go see him, he's amazing) and producing a West End show (Megan Mullally and the Supreme Music Program at the Vaudeville Theatre) at the same time - achievement?! So anyway, Paul is someone I'd been following (career wise, not like... in the street)... I first saw him at the first ever Notes from New York show (if you don't know what that's about; then get to know!) - my friend Richard Jones had dragged me along, being the biggest theatre lover I knew - however, he usually had good taste so I figured I'd trust him. Anyway - Richard, Sarah (who I did 'Time of the Month' with and is now a super-talented writer), her then boyfriend Tim and I FELL IN LOVE with this beautiful boy on stage who just happened to be none other than Mr. Spicer. I remember Richard saying, 'I think he looked at me', to which I said 'it was blatantly me', que Sarah, 'no, no - definitely me', ending in Tim - 'clearly... ME'... and we all agreed that if we were honest, knowing our luck, it probably would have been at Tim. 

So; anyway - Paul impressed me so much that I needed my Mum to hear him, my Mum and I are super close and have very similar taste in performers- so I checked his website and dragged her to see him in production at the Landor, which happened to be the first ever 'Christmas in New York', which is now a massive annual West End event at venues such as 'The Prince of Wales Theatre'! - he didn't disappoint, lovely as ever and I was now an official fan of the Notes from New York series. It was fresh and innovative and for me it offered everything the West End was missing, finally contemporary musical theatre was being performed by contemporary, young performers - and it was always a treat to hear Paul (and Julie Atherton) perform - Richard, Sarah, Tim, Mum and I became regulars - I remember they all went as a crew once ... WITH MY MUM... when I was stuck at my leavers ball, which was shit and I was totally jealous - but mum came home with a programme where she'd circled all the good numbers - cute!


.... Anyway; I so respected Paul and what he was doing and creating and of course his talent- and so - I sent him a message via myspace as I genuinely stumbled across him through a friend one day (i'd tell you if i'd stalked him, honest - I was genuinely just lucky and there was his face on a friend of a friends profile) - so I said something that I can't remember but I presume it was about how talented he was - and I never expected a reply. I like a lot of singers but it's rare that someone really touches you, and he had, and so I felt that if I had done that to someone, I'd want to know - so it only seemed right, right? Anyway - he replied. We ended up having some silly exchange about Lindsay Lohan and poles or something if I remember correctly and I remember thinking - 'he's cool'.

Then literally, a couple of years later I see Paul at the opening night of Tick Tick Boom - which he had produced and HE says to ME.... 'We're Internet friends, aren't we?' - well, that was history right there. Then we BUMP into each other at Lady GaGa and spend the night partying away to her at Brixton Academy one hot summers night (wet look leggings WEREN'T the ones Tor; by the end of the night they were ROLLED up and my hair was in a bun) - then, my Mum pushed me to do TAKING NOTES. A course run by the Notes From New York team. (Picture of us lot - the ORIGINAL cast, thank you very much!).

Well. Talk about a turning point. This is when, for me, Interval went from a hobby to something serious that I knew I wanted to do. It inspired me because really that's all Paul had done - taken the leap and thrown something together and believed in it. Sure, I was a fair, few steps behind - if not miles - but why not do something you love, on your own terms, meanwhile creating performance opportunities for yourself and for others. So with some of my new found Taking Notes friends I started working on my third gig, 'Therapy' - this time at The Battersea Barge. Paul was lovely enough to come sing at this gig - with me; which was a personal dream come true. Singing with someone you admire as a performer is lovely enough, but when that person is also a friend... even better. It was very special.

We got some amazing feedback and things have just grown. My friend Matt who is currently in We Will Rock You was in the Therapy gig and invited down Ian Carlyle who runs the West End Gospel Choir, Ian asked me to join ................... WOW! What a talented bunch of people.


Paul brings Alan Cumming's one man show to London, the MD is Lance Horne, Paul organises an aftershow gig as part of the 'Notes from New York' series, of Lance's songs - I go to the after party, I click with Lance.


I email Lance asking to use a couple of his songs in my next gig, Lance is in London, he says to come meet him at The Soho Theatre, I do, he sorts my friend and I tickets out for his show and we talk music. The two songs turns into an evening of songs.


Julie Atherton is recording one of Lance's songs on her new album, Paul asks the West End Gospel Choir if they'll do backing vocals on that song.

Some of us West End Gospel lot with the gorgeous Julie Atherton after recording on her album 'No Space For Air' - released 6th June 2010 - PRE-ORDER IT.

Lance and I start planning the evening of his songs, using members of the gospel choir, including wonderful Ian and fabulous and fierce Nathaniel Morrison (who also runs West End Gospel and is now in Sister Act) - Paul agrees to sing, as well as Leanne Jones and Al Silber. We plan the gig at Freedom, I have to email a guy called Nate to book in, he happens to be a member of the West End Gospel Choir too!


Paul asks if I'd do some backing vocals at Julie's gig, on June 6th 2010.


A girl called Ava works with Paul, as an associate Producer on the Megan Show - I meet her as I flyer for them one night - she's lovely - I need a co-producer with a flair for writing, I read Ava's blog - we speak on twitter - we get along - she's up for helping out on some Interval stuff.


West End Gospel Choir are going from strength to strength, appearing at the Miranda Sings gig next week and working on Anton Stephan's gig - Grateful, with presenters such as Chris Evans and Danny Dyer.......


Life has the funny way of intertwining, I can't help but think that fate has had a nod.

But there is no denying that a huge part of all this has been thanks to Paul Spicer. To have someone that you believe in so much believing in you, is an amazing feeling. I can't thank him enough. I really can't. But above anything else, he is a wonderful friend and I am so glad that through admiring his talent, I've found someone that I'll make sure I know for life. He has said that he and I are the same and that some things you just know and he's right - we get each other, and that's so rare to find. I guess if I was to choose a mentor, he would be mine because accidentally our lives followed the same pattern in that our love of singing/performing pushed us to create more opportunities to do the stuff we love, which means this 'Producing' thing just kind of falls into your lap...... and so does the fact that you kinda love it just as much as the singing stuff!

But what I've also learnt is that as cliche as it sounds, life really IS what you make it. People moan that there isn't any work or they aren't given the opportunity to show what they can do - well create the opportunity. There is so much talent out there from singers to writers to directors to producers and so many people waiting for that break so why not do it yourself. The Internet is such a powerful tool. It's how I made contact with Paul, it's how I continued contact with Ava, it's how Emily Thackray asked me to be involved in her gig as she'd seen one of my YTW performances (see, everything connects), it's how I found my fabulous MD Ellie, it's how I found one of my fave singers/performers Andy Coxon, who is now a regular Interval fixture, it's how I had a meeting the other night with Lance though he's in Las Vegas, it's how I book these bloody gigs. It's RIGHT there at your fingertips - just DO IT!

I have also learned that that's bullshit; that you have to walk over people to get where you want to go. My opportunities have come from being friends first, if you are a good person and THEN you can prove yourself on top of that and if you show willingness to work hard alone to get to where you want to be, then people who have the power to help you will, and they will when the time is right too..... they also help you knowing that you'll pass that help on to someone else... we can all create opportunities for each other and I feel lucky in that I've surrounded myself with the right people - people with a willingness to work hard because they're in this industry for the right reasons, for passion - for love - and so we will help each other and it's going to keep going and building from strength to strength - and ain't that a good place to be :)


Bring it on Life, I'm ready for you. x

I Loved Today

So; today was a good day.

Well it kinda started last night.
When planning kicked up a gear... turned up a notch... for my next gig, at Freedom on June 7th - a gig with Lance Horne (an emmy award winner i'll have you know) - an evening of his BEAUTIFUL songs featuring dear and exceptionally talented friends of mine - it should be a really fun night too as Freedom is complete with hot DJS, the occasional drag queen (gender illusionist) and POLES.. Bring It! Any bar/club with disco balls on the ceiling and pink velvet sofas; is my kinda place!
SO - that got me in a good mood and THEN I went to bed... slight interruption in the good news.. HELLO HUGE SPIDER...... IN MY BED...! NOT cool! So we (meaning.. me) demolished that badboy - then felt icky lying in the same bed it had been in.
Anyway... morning comes... alarm goes off anddddddddddddddddddd...
I started off by heading to an audition at Pineapple..
My Mummy says 'I wonder if you'll see Louie' - I was like AS IF................... first smile of the day was from none other than Louie Spence, looking very attractive as he paced around on the phone outside Pineapple - much calmer than on the TV but clearly a very definate fixture at Pineapple, all very real! (my casual smile played it cool but inside I was SCREAMING 'Louie Spence - I LOVE YOU - YOU LEDGE'.... However... I saved him the awkward situation) - I head through the doors to ask for directions to Studio 5 and there is that ginger boy that features, I didn't think I'd be fazed and I wasn't really but I dunno - it was just odd to be in the home of what is now a 'reality tv show' and to find that the reality is real! They were ACTUALLY WORKING and getting on with it! I LOVE THAT!
So head to audition to be greeted by some LOVELY girls - how rare. Sweethearts at an audition. One moody girl (always) but she was in and out first so whatever...
Anyway  - had giggles with three beauties, and then a UK Justin Bieber arrived to audition and basically I wanted to take him home 'good luck ladies' he said as he left.... I LOVE HIM.
...... He could sing too!
SO then audition is running late so we have to do a quick slot.. I scrap my original song as it takes a while to get going and picked one i'd not sung for a year! I ended up going into my audition with one of the other girls! Which was actually fun....
I sing - it goes pretty well for once (I HATE auditions)... she sings (she's amazing.. SO SOULFUL) - we sit down and get
'you two are fucking on the money. AMAZING VOICES' - well; this audition has gone well.
Turns out we're not right for the 'side project' he was casting for but he's an a&r and is scouting talent and raw vocal ability excites him more than anything and the minute something that needs 'perfect vocals' comes up - he's calling us.
HE continues to 'what a voice' me and I feel like fainting............ i'm so used to being rejected from auditions that I want to hug him and kiss his face.... (something is coming over me today)............ how nice to be appreciated for just standing up and singing for once.... and not feel like a puppet on a string.
So; then I had lunch with my best friend Jake - bought my friend Kimberley a top to cheer her up and sorted out tickets for us tonight to go see my BEAUTIFUL ANGEL Paul Spicer smash it ONCE AGAIN in Avenue Q tonight..... 3rd time... but i'm as excited as ever :)
He's SO special.
.... and I can't wait to see a smile on Kimberley's face.
ALSO managed to catch up with my old work girls... all in all... today was perfect....
I.LOVE.LIFE.
<3

Tuesday May 11th 2010

This Happened ..............

Dark Day.

America progress with the likes of Obama and we..... ???

Well; the less said about all this the better... I think the picture pretty much sums it up. 

.... and if you want to know my reasons for thinking it totally reasonable to deem Cameron such a dirty word.... google Philippa Stroud.... just for a start. Then we can dig up some more dirt for you on this LOVELY party we've decided to let take charge. Nick Clegg... I am very disappointed in you.