Long Distance.

Love is a game that two can play; and both win.

Does 'long distance' work? - and when I say 'long distance'; do you think plane rides and thousands of pounds, or three hours and £25? The thing is, for me, i'm impulsive and spontaneous as a person so anything that I can't have NOW, as in, within half an hour, when I decide - counts as 'long distance' when it comes to relationships! Call me a Princess, that's fine. But for me, the beauty of a boyfriend/girlfriend/partner is that when you're low or when you need a cuddle- they're there, it's automatic. If my ex had had a bad day - i'd be there for him - we'd put on a film and cuddle, pig out - whatever would have made the bad feelings go. What if he'd been three hours away, and working until 9pm? We don't hook up til midnight? - and what if we both had work in the morning? It's just not practical? But then does practical matter if it's insatiable when you're together. Is it worth sacrificing easy and on tap, just to hold on to something that makes you feel so alive part time? 

Faith makes all things possible, love makes them easy.

The thing is, I think for long distance to work, in any capacity- you have to throw caution to the wind, and if we're honest, get a little bit crazy. You need to jump on a train at 11pm at night if it means seeing them for half a day, you need to let them know every special thought you think about them, you need to fill that free day full of them, you need to meet in the middle, borderline stuff. There's no time to hold back or to be careful, it's a risk so you have to take the plunge whole heartedly and give it your best shot because there's enough standing in your way already, without caution and 'playing it cool' - the latter I was never a fan of anyway. Love isn't about being 'cool' - the letting go and falling into it is the cool part. But; what if only one of you is prepared to do all that? What if one is holding back through fear of it going wrong, and one is prepared to give it their best shot. What then? You just give up? Even if those times you are together, it's stronger, better and fiercer than anything you've ever experienced? It's the easiest thing to shy away from, to bow out of, it's just not practical, so why even try? But then there's that fear, of never feeling that way again? Because it's so rare isn't it? To find someone that makes you weak at the knees, makes your stomach swirl, gives your whole body butterflies, that person that envelopes you in their kiss, as if your bodies completely entwine the minute your lips meet, that person that leaves you speechless, breathless, that person who with one tiny look, makes your heart skip a beat. Fairytale stuff. We all want that, right? So it's worth holding on to at all costs. But then, is it better to just never know the outcome, rather than to try and fail. Is it better to just take those stolen moments and run? Or is it better to fall deeper and give it your best shot and land on your arse, missing it forever. Is 'what could have been' sweeter? 

Beginnings are usually scary, and endings are usually sad but it's everything in between that makes it worth while. 

I feel like it's worth it. Worth giving it a shot. Even if it is scary, even if I do land on my arse. Because, what if day to day you realise it was all an illusion, space making it sweeter. What if day to day the standard cracks start to show - what if the distance is too much. If three hours is too much then maybe it was never right in the first place. You can't fake how you feel - you can't fake a kiss that melts two bodies into one, and you can't hide that from each other, the passion, the intensity. Those kind of feelings, you both know where you stand, even if one wanted to lie, they couldn't. So surely that's enough to go on, and if that continues and progresses, then you make it work, you make it easier. Three hours isn't that far - eventually one of you could make that move and it wouldn't even be much upheaval - i've known couples who made it work from Australia to the UK, people who have picked themselves up and moved to the other side of the world, leaving their lives behind, all for that one person. I don't see myself ever doing that, I love my life here far too much, and I think moving your whole LIFE to another COUNTRY for someone is bound to put a strain on you both, but if people can make it work with all those miles between them, who are we to get our knickers in a twist about a few hours, particularly when he's unhappy there anyway?

You want me to act like we've never kissed, you want to forget; and i've tried, and i've tried, but I haven't yet. You walk by, and I fall to pieces....

How do you just forget you've felt it and carry on with your life when you know it's there, not that far away? I wish I could just switch off my feelings or meet someone next door to me who makes me feel the same way, because i'm so afraid he'll run, because he has before, and i've just opened myself up, risking the same hurt, the same heartache... all over again... only worse, because we met on holiday originally, and now we've proved that the same feelings apply here. Just as strong, if not stronger. I've got something in my reach which feels so perfect but I might just have to wonder about it for the rest of my life because I can't make it work on my own. But I feel some things are for a reason, and I think there was a reason for him. I want more than anything to switch off and put it to rest because my heart is so on the line, but I know i'm in for it this time around; and that it's already too late - so i'll just have to suck it up. I know i'll cry some tears but I just hope he'll hold my hand through it all, rather than turn his back on us.