A little bit of Spice, Taking Notes, an Interval and a Thackray.

I feel like everything is slowly coming together. My life has taken a totally different path from what I'd first expected. Now I find myself working as much at musical theatre as I do pop and as much at producing as I do singing. At nineteen I was in Tom Lewis, Universal's office talking about my coffee-table-jazz album and kind of dying on the inside but SURE that I wanted to be a 'popstar' - don't get me wrong, I was never one of these brats who just wanted to be famous. I've always, always wanted this because it's my passion and because my life kind of doesn't make sense to me without performing - it's just who you are I guess, your soul. But anyway, a pop route was the one I was sure I wanted to take.

Then everything fell apart, I walked away from the Universal malarky and my management, I got locked into a contract for two years - I couldn't sign
anything else - I lost my way. I sung for the first time in a while at a gig for Emily Thackaray (Emily is this amazing lady who when I first met her was very sick with cystic fibrosis and in need of a lung transplant, thank EVERYTHING on earth she was given one and is now living a beautiful, healthy life and campaigns tirelessly to raise awareness - visit her site - www.lltgl.org.uk); anyway - I agreed to sing at a charity gig arranged by Emily. I was out of practise but I didn't think anything of it, I was just excited to sing again - anyway, when I was called to sing at the rehearsal I literally wanted the ground to swallow me up - I felt hot and dizzy and horrible, then I felt like I sounded breathless as I sung - I didn't have the control I wanted over the big notes and I felt like everyone was looking at me thinking what a horrible singer I was. My eyes welled up - it was mortifying. Emily was great, she spotted it and took me outside and gave me such a boost. She really is such a beautiful and inspirational person - to have dealt with all that she has and to have come out the other end fighting. There need to be more like her.  I guess it was such a release to just tell someone how I felt. I realised how the knocks I'd taken had really gotten to me - I felt like I wasn't good enough anymore and I guess I'd lived in a fairytale world before where I thought if you were a good person and talented- then it would come. I was so wrong. Realising it was the hardest thing. 

The gig ended up going really well, and in the end I sung a song that I'd sung years before, and I think I did a better job at it. Rather than being shitter than ever, like I'd thought - I realised maybe I'd improved a little with age. It was the first time my then boyfriend had really seen me perform - and it kind of inspired me to go at it a little harder and so I did. I ended up putting on my own gig with two other singer/performer friends of mine at Epsom Playhouse, which is a theatre that'll always be dear to me as it's where I started out - in YTW - the group that I give the most thanks of all to - because Trevor and Teresa pretty much forced me to sing because they noticed something in me, and I can honestly say if it wasn't for that I don't know if I'd have ever had the confidence to sing in public - which is kind of a nuts thought. So anyway, this gig at Epsom Playhouse with two friends, Chloe Sinclair and Sarah Henley (now resident writer at the Giant Olive Theatre; and an amazing writer at that) 'Time of the Month' - was basically, the birth of Interval Productions - the Theatre Company I now run, which seems to be going from strength to strength.


So anyway, we're now five shows later and our next gig is with Emmy Award Winning Composer Lance Horne and features some West End faves along with some up and coming talent (which is Interval's point of difference - I want to give unheard voices a chance, for people who like me, will take knocks and will suffer rejection - I don't want people to lose their voice.. I want them to keep remembering that they're appreciated and I want them to keep remembering why they do this) - next after that is a gig at Battersea Barge on June 20th and then another in September - we keep plodding on, offering opportunities for lots of different singers to get up and show keen audiences what they're made of.

Me, Paul Spicer, Lance Horne - Notes Unleashed After Show Party

At the same time as I was getting on this Interval kick and actually producing my second show, 'Six in the City', I met (in the flesh) a wonderful man called Paul Spicer. Paul Spicer is one of the West Ends Leading Men and is also a Producer- the first Man to be on the West End (Avenue Q- go see him, he's amazing) and producing a West End show (Megan Mullally and the Supreme Music Program at the Vaudeville Theatre) at the same time - achievement?! So anyway, Paul is someone I'd been following (career wise, not like... in the street)... I first saw him at the first ever Notes from New York show (if you don't know what that's about; then get to know!) - my friend Richard Jones had dragged me along, being the biggest theatre lover I knew - however, he usually had good taste so I figured I'd trust him. Anyway - Richard, Sarah (who I did 'Time of the Month' with and is now a super-talented writer), her then boyfriend Tim and I FELL IN LOVE with this beautiful boy on stage who just happened to be none other than Mr. Spicer. I remember Richard saying, 'I think he looked at me', to which I said 'it was blatantly me', que Sarah, 'no, no - definitely me', ending in Tim - 'clearly... ME'... and we all agreed that if we were honest, knowing our luck, it probably would have been at Tim. 

So; anyway - Paul impressed me so much that I needed my Mum to hear him, my Mum and I are super close and have very similar taste in performers- so I checked his website and dragged her to see him in production at the Landor, which happened to be the first ever 'Christmas in New York', which is now a massive annual West End event at venues such as 'The Prince of Wales Theatre'! - he didn't disappoint, lovely as ever and I was now an official fan of the Notes from New York series. It was fresh and innovative and for me it offered everything the West End was missing, finally contemporary musical theatre was being performed by contemporary, young performers - and it was always a treat to hear Paul (and Julie Atherton) perform - Richard, Sarah, Tim, Mum and I became regulars - I remember they all went as a crew once ... WITH MY MUM... when I was stuck at my leavers ball, which was shit and I was totally jealous - but mum came home with a programme where she'd circled all the good numbers - cute!


.... Anyway; I so respected Paul and what he was doing and creating and of course his talent- and so - I sent him a message via myspace as I genuinely stumbled across him through a friend one day (i'd tell you if i'd stalked him, honest - I was genuinely just lucky and there was his face on a friend of a friends profile) - so I said something that I can't remember but I presume it was about how talented he was - and I never expected a reply. I like a lot of singers but it's rare that someone really touches you, and he had, and so I felt that if I had done that to someone, I'd want to know - so it only seemed right, right? Anyway - he replied. We ended up having some silly exchange about Lindsay Lohan and poles or something if I remember correctly and I remember thinking - 'he's cool'.

Then literally, a couple of years later I see Paul at the opening night of Tick Tick Boom - which he had produced and HE says to ME.... 'We're Internet friends, aren't we?' - well, that was history right there. Then we BUMP into each other at Lady GaGa and spend the night partying away to her at Brixton Academy one hot summers night (wet look leggings WEREN'T the ones Tor; by the end of the night they were ROLLED up and my hair was in a bun) - then, my Mum pushed me to do TAKING NOTES. A course run by the Notes From New York team. (Picture of us lot - the ORIGINAL cast, thank you very much!).

Well. Talk about a turning point. This is when, for me, Interval went from a hobby to something serious that I knew I wanted to do. It inspired me because really that's all Paul had done - taken the leap and thrown something together and believed in it. Sure, I was a fair, few steps behind - if not miles - but why not do something you love, on your own terms, meanwhile creating performance opportunities for yourself and for others. So with some of my new found Taking Notes friends I started working on my third gig, 'Therapy' - this time at The Battersea Barge. Paul was lovely enough to come sing at this gig - with me; which was a personal dream come true. Singing with someone you admire as a performer is lovely enough, but when that person is also a friend... even better. It was very special.

We got some amazing feedback and things have just grown. My friend Matt who is currently in We Will Rock You was in the Therapy gig and invited down Ian Carlyle who runs the West End Gospel Choir, Ian asked me to join ................... WOW! What a talented bunch of people.


Paul brings Alan Cumming's one man show to London, the MD is Lance Horne, Paul organises an aftershow gig as part of the 'Notes from New York' series, of Lance's songs - I go to the after party, I click with Lance.


I email Lance asking to use a couple of his songs in my next gig, Lance is in London, he says to come meet him at The Soho Theatre, I do, he sorts my friend and I tickets out for his show and we talk music. The two songs turns into an evening of songs.


Julie Atherton is recording one of Lance's songs on her new album, Paul asks the West End Gospel Choir if they'll do backing vocals on that song.

Some of us West End Gospel lot with the gorgeous Julie Atherton after recording on her album 'No Space For Air' - released 6th June 2010 - PRE-ORDER IT.

Lance and I start planning the evening of his songs, using members of the gospel choir, including wonderful Ian and fabulous and fierce Nathaniel Morrison (who also runs West End Gospel and is now in Sister Act) - Paul agrees to sing, as well as Leanne Jones and Al Silber. We plan the gig at Freedom, I have to email a guy called Nate to book in, he happens to be a member of the West End Gospel Choir too!


Paul asks if I'd do some backing vocals at Julie's gig, on June 6th 2010.


A girl called Ava works with Paul, as an associate Producer on the Megan Show - I meet her as I flyer for them one night - she's lovely - I need a co-producer with a flair for writing, I read Ava's blog - we speak on twitter - we get along - she's up for helping out on some Interval stuff.


West End Gospel Choir are going from strength to strength, appearing at the Miranda Sings gig next week and working on Anton Stephan's gig - Grateful, with presenters such as Chris Evans and Danny Dyer.......


Life has the funny way of intertwining, I can't help but think that fate has had a nod.

But there is no denying that a huge part of all this has been thanks to Paul Spicer. To have someone that you believe in so much believing in you, is an amazing feeling. I can't thank him enough. I really can't. But above anything else, he is a wonderful friend and I am so glad that through admiring his talent, I've found someone that I'll make sure I know for life. He has said that he and I are the same and that some things you just know and he's right - we get each other, and that's so rare to find. I guess if I was to choose a mentor, he would be mine because accidentally our lives followed the same pattern in that our love of singing/performing pushed us to create more opportunities to do the stuff we love, which means this 'Producing' thing just kind of falls into your lap...... and so does the fact that you kinda love it just as much as the singing stuff!

But what I've also learnt is that as cliche as it sounds, life really IS what you make it. People moan that there isn't any work or they aren't given the opportunity to show what they can do - well create the opportunity. There is so much talent out there from singers to writers to directors to producers and so many people waiting for that break so why not do it yourself. The Internet is such a powerful tool. It's how I made contact with Paul, it's how I continued contact with Ava, it's how Emily Thackray asked me to be involved in her gig as she'd seen one of my YTW performances (see, everything connects), it's how I found my fabulous MD Ellie, it's how I found one of my fave singers/performers Andy Coxon, who is now a regular Interval fixture, it's how I had a meeting the other night with Lance though he's in Las Vegas, it's how I book these bloody gigs. It's RIGHT there at your fingertips - just DO IT!

I have also learned that that's bullshit; that you have to walk over people to get where you want to go. My opportunities have come from being friends first, if you are a good person and THEN you can prove yourself on top of that and if you show willingness to work hard alone to get to where you want to be, then people who have the power to help you will, and they will when the time is right too..... they also help you knowing that you'll pass that help on to someone else... we can all create opportunities for each other and I feel lucky in that I've surrounded myself with the right people - people with a willingness to work hard because they're in this industry for the right reasons, for passion - for love - and so we will help each other and it's going to keep going and building from strength to strength - and ain't that a good place to be :)


Bring it on Life, I'm ready for you. x

I Loved Today

So; today was a good day.

Well it kinda started last night.
When planning kicked up a gear... turned up a notch... for my next gig, at Freedom on June 7th - a gig with Lance Horne (an emmy award winner i'll have you know) - an evening of his BEAUTIFUL songs featuring dear and exceptionally talented friends of mine - it should be a really fun night too as Freedom is complete with hot DJS, the occasional drag queen (gender illusionist) and POLES.. Bring It! Any bar/club with disco balls on the ceiling and pink velvet sofas; is my kinda place!
SO - that got me in a good mood and THEN I went to bed... slight interruption in the good news.. HELLO HUGE SPIDER...... IN MY BED...! NOT cool! So we (meaning.. me) demolished that badboy - then felt icky lying in the same bed it had been in.
Anyway... morning comes... alarm goes off anddddddddddddddddddd...
I started off by heading to an audition at Pineapple..
My Mummy says 'I wonder if you'll see Louie' - I was like AS IF................... first smile of the day was from none other than Louie Spence, looking very attractive as he paced around on the phone outside Pineapple - much calmer than on the TV but clearly a very definate fixture at Pineapple, all very real! (my casual smile played it cool but inside I was SCREAMING 'Louie Spence - I LOVE YOU - YOU LEDGE'.... However... I saved him the awkward situation) - I head through the doors to ask for directions to Studio 5 and there is that ginger boy that features, I didn't think I'd be fazed and I wasn't really but I dunno - it was just odd to be in the home of what is now a 'reality tv show' and to find that the reality is real! They were ACTUALLY WORKING and getting on with it! I LOVE THAT!
So head to audition to be greeted by some LOVELY girls - how rare. Sweethearts at an audition. One moody girl (always) but she was in and out first so whatever...
Anyway  - had giggles with three beauties, and then a UK Justin Bieber arrived to audition and basically I wanted to take him home 'good luck ladies' he said as he left.... I LOVE HIM.
...... He could sing too!
SO then audition is running late so we have to do a quick slot.. I scrap my original song as it takes a while to get going and picked one i'd not sung for a year! I ended up going into my audition with one of the other girls! Which was actually fun....
I sing - it goes pretty well for once (I HATE auditions)... she sings (she's amazing.. SO SOULFUL) - we sit down and get
'you two are fucking on the money. AMAZING VOICES' - well; this audition has gone well.
Turns out we're not right for the 'side project' he was casting for but he's an a&r and is scouting talent and raw vocal ability excites him more than anything and the minute something that needs 'perfect vocals' comes up - he's calling us.
HE continues to 'what a voice' me and I feel like fainting............ i'm so used to being rejected from auditions that I want to hug him and kiss his face.... (something is coming over me today)............ how nice to be appreciated for just standing up and singing for once.... and not feel like a puppet on a string.
So; then I had lunch with my best friend Jake - bought my friend Kimberley a top to cheer her up and sorted out tickets for us tonight to go see my BEAUTIFUL ANGEL Paul Spicer smash it ONCE AGAIN in Avenue Q tonight..... 3rd time... but i'm as excited as ever :)
He's SO special.
.... and I can't wait to see a smile on Kimberley's face.
ALSO managed to catch up with my old work girls... all in all... today was perfect....
I.LOVE.LIFE.
<3

Tuesday May 11th 2010

This Happened ..............

Dark Day.

America progress with the likes of Obama and we..... ???

Well; the less said about all this the better... I think the picture pretty much sums it up. 

.... and if you want to know my reasons for thinking it totally reasonable to deem Cameron such a dirty word.... google Philippa Stroud.... just for a start. Then we can dig up some more dirt for you on this LOVELY party we've decided to let take charge. Nick Clegg... I am very disappointed in you. 

kiss goodbye x

I've just come to terms with the fact that I've lost a best friend.

I've lost that best friend to a relationship. To a boy she met about four months ago.

To a boy who made her cry tears just a week or two in.. tears I dried.

I could go on with this 'to a boy' theme and write lots of disparaging comments about him but that won't get my friend back....
because it doesn't matter how much I (or the rest of her friends for that matter) hate him - it only matters that SHE is giddy in love with him, although she admits readily that her relationship isn't making her happy and that every day is a struggle.

I've watched the life literally drain out of her. I used to see this girl on average, three times a week.... now?... The last time I saw her was a month ago... and when I did? She was pale, drawn - she looked exhausted - it was horrible. The night ended badly - he caused a scene and she cried. But it was us, her friends who she ignored and didn't make contact with afterwards... she stayed holed up with him in their little two-dom; unhealthy as ever.

Thing is though... you can't force someone to care.
We only asked her to put herself first sometimes. She couldn't even do that.

But now, no matter what happens? She'll never again be the person I thought she was - and isn't that a bitch. Hurts doesn't it... maybe I put too much time and love and effort and belief, maybe even expectation into my friends - but I going to continue to do some because even though it hurts... I'd rather know where I stand.